Saturday, April 27, 2013

Bayahath Terevich: A Deck of Cards


Bayahath Terevich frowned as he let go of the last coin in his hand. He was a man born of deceit and surely losing is not an option for the likes of him. Yet it was done. The bet was lost and he was but a fool to have thought that he’d win.

It all started when the Fool came to the good town of Kuttiyanagar. The good people were amazed to see him. The Fool with all his tricks and songs; was a complete package. Kuttiyanagar was not a place frequented by many visitors and the townsfolk needed amusement just as a malnutritioned  African kid needs his vitamins. Bayahath Terevich was indeed happy to be in a place like this, where his cunning could feed upon the mediocrity of the people and yield him some coin. So he strategically placed himself in the center of the bazaar where all the streets met, just alongside the statue of the “Kuttiya” who had given this town its name.  On the sidewalk children chased chickens and hawkers shouted as they tried to lure in customers.

”Hear me O’ good people of Kuttiyanagar” Bayahath Terevich cleared his throat and then started his sermon, “ Hear me as the Kuttiya bears witness to this day where I  stand and offer something that has never been witnessed before, truly a good offer I make to you. I will show you a trick of cards and the man who understands it will get all my fortune. But if no one can decipher the magic in my hands, every single man and woman of Kuttiyanagar will give me a gold coin for my skill and courage”. The crowd slowly gathered at his feet. Some looked at him with excitement and utter awe while others displayed their hatred of what seemed to be a classic case of mockery of their wits.

“Behold” Bayahath continued “Behold this great art that I have learned from the magi of the eastern lands”. And then the fool started to shuffle his cards. He selected a young child of 8 from the audience and made the little one select a card from his deck. The child was then asked to show the card to the whole of Kuttiyanagar as they stood still and expressionless. The card was then gently put back in the deck that Bayahath held in his right hand. After a brief moment of shuffling here and cutting there, the magician clapped his hands sandwiching the deck in between and voila! The entire deck was gone. Disappeared into thin air, as it might have seemed. The crowd clapped and there were chatter amongst them. Shock and awe? “The real trick has only just begun” Bayahath announced with a mixture of sarcasm and pride in his tone, “I see that there are 52 men in the audience and each man’s destiny lies in a card that he must now face. Put your hands in your pockets you good men of Kuttiyanager”. All the men in the audience put their hands in their pockets as the women peeked with keens eyes, at the men close to their vicinity. And each man in the crowd found a card in his pocket that he took out and held high in his hands. Bayahath Terevich smiled and announced boldly, “as for the card of the child, look at the face of the Kuttiya”. There it was. Pasted at the nose of the statue just like an ugly patch on somebody’s eye. Bayahath was happy for a trick well-performed “and now for my coin if no one can tell me what I just did and how I did it”. His hopes were a shattered when the crowd suddenly burst into a huge fit of laughter. A laughter so wild that, it made his bones shiver. The one thing Bayahath failed to realize was that Kuttiyanager was a town famous for its magic and it was the birthplace of all magic in the realm of Jhagistan. Deciphering a mere card trick was child’s play for a people who could use their magic to make entire castles appear out of thin air. Alas! It was too late. Now Bayahath Terevich had to do away with all his fortune. His dreams shattered because of his ignorance. “Bloody Nasreen” he cried “You will have to wait my love before I free you from the clutches of the evil hordes of Chawalikis. Wait you must my dear… wait for me”

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

As We Are

Shit I'm out of words again. It's funny how each one of us has a story to tell. And words don't always fill in for us.

I want to do many things right now. I want to take a stroll down the memory lane, write a good short story and go to sleep. A long cozy sleep with dreams of you. I know mushroom dreams are meant to be broken. But that doesn't mean they don't exist. Nothing wrong with a bit of wishful thinking. Don't you think?

And oh its how I wish. I wish and I wish and I wish. I wish for so much to happen. I realize now that sometimes, being alive, is the single most difficult task at hand. This is how I am. This is how we all are. Atleast at some point in our lives. For me this point comes a little too often.

I have only this much to say. Peace.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Summer Love


Summers are fun. Even in a God damn third world country. You are sweating down your ass. And no amount of cocaine or good music can give you peace. You need shade. You need love-yah. You think you got game. You are foolish. You are a self-loathing individual suffering from arrogance. That’s how people come these days. They come in shiny attractive boxes. Low quality and huge price tags. There is no fucking consistency in the production line.

Driving around town in your old car with a half-smoked cigarette, you realize many things. Some are good and some are bad. But every realization takes you one step closer to your goal. You are hungry for something. You are hungry for love-yah. Hunger only grows. You are an animal. You want to rape and molest the world; over and over again. This is who you think you are. But you are not that. You are worse. Much worse.

And after a while... you stop giving a fuck. You know. Things run smooth sometimes. There are no speed breakers on the highway. But not everybody is driving the fast lane. There are snails in the race. Snails that you can nail. And rabbits too. Never miss a good fuck if it comes to you. But you still miss it. Coz you need love-yah. You ain’t no fucking sex monger. You want purity. You want something real.

Summers pass and you quietly retreat to your hideout. A stack full of cheap Murree beer and 70s blues records. That’s all you need.  You need love-yah. Don’t ya?

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Slaughterhouse For Babies

Deep within the serene abyss of my mind, exists a slaughterhouse for babies. It has 9 chambers. Following is a brief account of what happens there.


Chamber 1:
There is a pack of hungry hyenas. Subjects are thrown in from a small window in the ceiling. The animals are skilled at their noble task. They slowly and painfully rip the subjects into little pieces.

Chamber 2:

There is an executioner with a sledgehammer. A conveyor belt carrying the subjects passes through the centre. Subjects' heads are crushed into bits.


Chamber 3:
A conveyor belt carrying the subjects into a hot tub of molten lava. What happens next, requires no explanation.



Chamber 4:
A 100 meters deep pool of electrocuted water. Subjects are thrown in from the top. They are reduced to skeletons before they can ever hit the bottom.


Chamber 5:
A conveyor belt carrying the subjects passes through a huge chopping machine. Subjects are chopped into little pieces.


Chamber 6:
Subjects are thrown into a 500 meters deep pit. The experience is meant to break each and every bone in their body.


Chamber 7:
An executioner with a small razor blade. Every hour, a subject is thrown into the room. It is the executioner's task to slaughter the subjects using his blade. He is encouraged to use his creativity in making the process as painful as possible.


Chamber 8:
The cold storage room. Subjects are allowed to freeze to death. There is obviously no shortage of ice cream here. Eat all you can, you little ones.



Chamber 9:
It has no door, no windows and absolutely no way to get out. The walls are unbreakable. There is no light. The author is locked in this chamber. He has the key to shut down the entire facility. 


The pathos must be understood. Otherwise, the puzzle will never be solved.

Monday, January 2, 2012

Ko-Hat - I

The Air Force Officers Mess (where I live these days) is a quite place old place. Almost as quiet and old as the town of Kohat which hosts it. The mess building itself dates back to the British era. According to the official records, it was constructed sometime back in the year 1924. Years of renovations and re-renovations have obviously gotten rid of any resemblance to old British era buildings that this place might once have had. But with the right kind of eyes, you can still see the old British dance parties, complete with all the Gora officers and their wives/girl-friends dancing away to the ballads of those times. And with the right kind of nose, you can probably smell some whiskey too.

Well here's the interesting bit. People tell all kinds of stories about the officers mess especially the bachelors blocks. Stories of hauntings and what not. The sort of things that you'd naturally imagine about any place with a bad paint-job. The most famous (and my personal favourite) is the legend of the Wing Commander*. 


As soon as I got here, everyone told me that the Ghost of a dead English Wing Commander who used to live here during the British Raj, roams the blocks at night. The cause of his death is not certain. There are varying stories and sometimes different versions of the same story. Some say that he was a paratrooper and died when his parachute failed to open on one of his routine para-jumps. The result was crushing. He fell head first on the ground from a height of 5,000 metres. His head split into two halves on impact. Poor guy probably died on the spot. Now he roams around looking for any living paratroopers. So anyone wearing a para-wing is bound to get his ass whooped (Luckily I don't see no para-wing on my chest). The other story says that he died while he was cleaning his pistol. Apparently a mosquito went in through the muzzle of the gun. As he tried to peek in, he pulled the trigger by mistake, shooting himself in the eye. "Never clean your pistol in the blocks Saab" is the warning that comes with this one. Another story involves him being eaten alive by wild KPK goats while he went hitch hiking on his own to the mountains.  There are countless other narrations, which I don't have the time to quote right now.

Needless to say I don't know what's the real truth behind these stories. Whether or not there is actually a Ghost in the blocks is also a matter which requires further investigation. But I'm sure about one thing and that is; Kohat is no place for an Englishman. Dead or not-dead, if the local Pathans were to find out, they would surely take him to the mountains and let him have it. The North-West style!


*Wing Commander is a rank of the Air Force equivalent to Lieutenant Colonel of the army.

Friday, December 30, 2011

The Drill

Its been a while since I last came up with something meaningful. It seems my head has stopped working. They call it the "military syndrome". Once you join the service, your mind starts slowly deteriorating until finally it no longer exists. I guess its not that bad coz I can do without it. Can't I? Besides I believe human mind is overrated. Most people die without using their brain even once and they lead very successful lives.

By the way, do you know why most Generals take to golfing during the last years of their coloured service? Yes its the military syndrome. Golf is a very simple game; 
It requires no use of brain and relies solely on the most basic instinct a man has. You ready your club, aim for a hole and put it in. Bang! You've scored!

However playing too much golf is a curse.  Thinking too much when its not needed is also a curse. That is where my pen-name comes from. I am the "Accursed Thinker". But soon all of this is going to change. I'm going to be a "Mindless Thinker". Wait! ain't that a contradiction?
It sure is but who the fuck cares! Its a normal thing in a world so full of paradoxes and double standards. Ain't it?

So anyways you know the drill. I'm coming to back to blogging (hopefully). And you'll be getting some new material to read. Soon!

So keep on reading. 

See Ya.


Sunday, October 23, 2011

The Deep Sea Diver


Who am I? What is this world?

The deep sea diver surely knows the answers to these otherwise obvious questions. He stands gazing at the wild ocean before him. Oh how wild you are little ocean. How wild! How Innocent and cruel you are, you mighty! You devouring ocean!

SPLASH!!! The dive! And there is no limit to how far below the surface; our deep sea diver will descend. He goes into the very depth of the dark seas.  He is surrounded by jelly fishes and colorful creatures of various shapes and forms. Glowing and forever changing, the ultimate manifestation of a chaotic and enchanting life force presents itself before him. And the colors? The amazing vibrant colors leave permanent traces on the texture of his existence. And he knows that the traces will remain there forever. So he swims on and the creatures begin to fade away. He looks back at them and waves them goodbye. The depth increases. But his memories are forever vivid and shining. And so they will remain.

Oh so deep… so deep that there is no life around him. There is no light. There is nothing but him and clear pure water, blessed with absolute darkness all around. Absolute stillness. There is no sense of direction. There is no north. And there is no you!

The deep sea diver still dives deeper and deeper. He knows he is heading towards something strange and there will is no return. Because there are things in life which if done, can never be undone. Yet the hardest part always, is to let go. But his thoughts won’t stand in his way. His subconscious must lay bare in front of the world. His feelings must be conquered!!!

Conquer he will!

Go on you deep sea diver… Go on and on and on… never stop…

You splendid & magnificent lonely creature…

Wander like a soul wandering in nothingness, in an open space without boundaries…

Wander like no wanderer has ever wandered before…

And wander forever…