That One Person – Part II (The Zahir)

According to the writer Jorge Luis Borges, the idea of the Zahir comes from Islamic tradition and is thought to have arisen at some point in the eighteenth century. Zahir, in Arabic, means visible, present, incapable of going unnoticed. It is someone or something which, once we have come into contact with them or it, gradually occupies our every thought, until we can think of nothing else. This can be considered either a state of holiness or of madness. (FAUBOURG SAINT-PÈRES Encyclopedia of the Fantastic (1953) Excerpt from The Zahir by Paulo Coelho)



I first came across this term “Zahir” when I read a book of the same name by Paulo Coelho. I am using it here in this article because The Zahir defines the ultimate obsession for me. The state of absolute and final madness, from which there is no return.

Yes she was The Zahir for me. She still is. And perhaps she’ll always be. Maybe that’s not true. Maybe I am just too weak to think of anything else. Maybe I’ve surrendered my mind, body and soul to her memories. Maybe it’s a phase. Maybe time is a perfect healer. Maybe all “Maybes” are just lies that we feed to our sad little souls to keep ourselves from falling apart.

I vividly remember the moment I first saw her. The color of clothes she was wearing. That look on her face. It runs like a film in my mind. As a matter of fact all her memories do. And If you ask for my honest opinion on the whole film-like memory process, it is quite painful. Painful enough to bring me to a state, which even by my standards, far exceeds madness.

I am sad and I’m hurt. I can safely say that my soul is battered and bruised. My heart is broken into pieces. I sometimes cry when I’m alone. Sometimes I have to hold back my tears when I’m around people. Sometimes I have to kill myself to stay alive. Because I believe pretention is worse than suicide. In pretending to be happy, we are punishing ourselves more, as we are hiding our true emotions and feelings, just for the sake of others or perhaps for our own good. Yes I have died. Or at least something inside me is dead. And I know it will never come back. The aura of those times, is gone forever…

Do I hate her? No I don’t. I have no reason to. You never hate “that one person”. You always love her. That is the mysterious power of love. You keep loving the person who hurts you. You try and condole yourself and give justifications to your mind for that one person’s sake. Justifying her actions to be right. And her actions were right, at least in the end they were.

So I will write no further parts to this article in the future. Because I know that there is no end to it. Also I believe that the beauty of writing (good writing) is to leave some room for the reader’s imagination, to deliberately leave certain things open to interpretation.

But the problem is that The Zahir can’t be forgotten. It stays with you. I believe it stays for all eternity and I truly hope for that. Because what you can’t get in this world, you hope to achieve in the next. So Maybe “That One Person” will be there in everything I write or do… Maybe… at least so I choose to believe!

That One Person – Part I

Throughout the course of our lives, we meet countless people. Most we forget. Some we remember. But I believe there must be this one person in your life that you have met and you will never forget.

So one fine day that person comes in your life. You can feel it. It’s a very special moment. Perhaps its the most special moment of your life. The chemistry develops and an amazing new chapter opens up in your life. You are flowing with the flow. You are free falling. It is the most exciting time of your life. You get so lost in it that you tend to forget the bitter realities of life, your worries, your problems and your depression. You even tend to forget that you can’t get it all; A simple truth of this life that you ought to familiarize yourself with and remind yourself of, frequently. But you don’t want to think about it. Ignorant Fool!!!

You cherish and enshrine each and every memory with that person. You try to save each and every moment. Pictures, emails, messages, cards, gifts, things, songs, everything you save and protect like crazy. You have become crazy. You are mad. You are obsessed. That obsession only grows with time. You don’t know that you have fallen so deep that you’ll never be able to come to the surface. Perhaps you’ll come to the surface but you won’t be able to walk. You’ll pretend you are walking but actually you are not. You are dragging and lingering.

Time goes on and one day that person is not there. Gone forever. You can’t believe it. You keep staring your phone. You check your email after every 10 minutes. You want communication. You want it badly. You want it all back. You wait and wait and wait… You have regrets, pain, hopelessness; you want to go back in time. Fix things. But time is a one way ride, only goes forward. The memories that you once cherished, haunt you now. You see them running in your mind like a Polycolor film. You know life will never be the same again. That one person is irreplaceable. You go even crazier. Nothing comforts you. You are dying from inside. The sky seems scarlet red and even the brightest of days seem dark to you. Because that one person is not there.

With regrets and sadness you live your life. Sad and crazy you will remain… Forever

To be continued…