Prescription

One year ago, today, I wrote a prescription.

I had become a Russian Psychiatrist to treat my patient. (CN ZPV QDLDLADQ NBOP?)

I was successful.

I’ll always miss those days…

Caution! Strings Attached

Some lessons that I’ve learnt from life (the hard way of course)

• Can’t get it all dude! You just can’t get it all…
  
  
• Every opportunity that you avail means more misery for you because it means forgoing countless opportunities and incurring infinite opportunity cost, considering that had you availed those alternate opportunities, your life would have taken a completely different path altogether and you would have had an entirely different set of choices at every step of your life…. and if you are “farigh” enough to think about all this, then probably you lack purpose in your life!
  
  
• Optimism always hurts more then pessimism.
  
  
• “A friend in need” is someone who is investing in you because you might be of some future “use”.
  
  
• “A friend indeed” is a myth.
  
  
• And last but not the least, whenever you get something super good in life, don’t forget to read the small warning label on the other side of it which says, “Caution! Strings Attached”
  
  

BTW I’m back in Lahore (my hometown) and I’m Super Ultra Mega Happy =D =D =D

Keep reading. Thank You.

The Recruitment System

After being rejected from almost every place that I applied to, I’m quite sure that there is something very wrong with the recruitment system in our country. I know many would brand me as a jealous smug who’s rattling and crying about not getting a job while almost everyone else did. Brand me, criticize me, hold whatever you want to hold against me BUT this is a reality that you can’t deny because you know it, its right there at your face. The recruitment system for 99% of the companies is not fair. Period!

You know what? I got rejections from companies I considered myself too good for. Yes I did! They say, one shouldn’t be arrogant but one should know his/her worth. I know my worth. I know what I can do for the firm that I work for, given a chance. The irony is that I compromised on my worth and still did not get an offer letter. This is just painful. No seriously it is. It is painful to know that people who can’t match you in skill and aptitude got really nice jobs because they had references and contacts. And its painful to think that by the time you do get a job, you probably might have to work under “such” people. Not fair I tell you. Definitely not fair.

Now let me share with you the more painful bit. I was surprised and shocked to know the brilliant ways, in which most of these brilliant HR people shortlist candidates from a pool of CVs. Some sift through graduate directories alphabetically, making sure that somebody who’s unfortunate enough to have his name start from a “Z”, never gets an interview call. And others just select CVs randomly and then filter people out from a randomly selected pool. Dude you are gambling on people’s careers, you Idiot!

And finally the most “politically correct” and “self righteous” kind of recruitment personnel are those who shortlist people on the basis of GPA. The thing is that different universities have different grading plans. My university has one of the most ruthless grading plans and not to mention one of the most difficult entry tests in the country for any business school. But these so called HR “professionals” just don’t know the difference. Ms. HR Professional, its not that difficult to understand, trust me its not a rocket science. Repeat after me slowly, “DIFFERENT UNIVERSITIES HAVE DIFFERENT GRADING PLANS”. Yes repeat it again, You probably might understand it in a few years time. Or maybe not. *bangs head on the wall*

So anyways in many interviews I have faced this question, why is your GPA so low? Dude!!! Give me a break. My 2.9 is still better than a 3.5 from XYZ University where you get an A on 80%. I got my B- on 83%. Arghhh!!!

To tell you the truth. I think, there is no criteria in this country. Except for a select few who are lucky enough to be selected on the basis of merit, most people are hopeless without contacts and references. And maybe even money. Anyways I pity all you poor companies and recruiters. You would have been way better if you had selected people on the basis of fair criteria but you did not. I pity you.

And for the record, You don’t reject me. I reject you and your disvalue system. Down you go!!!

Sunday Bloody Sunday

Holy shit! It’s a Sunday, was my first thought when I woke up this morning errrr I mean afternoon. To tell you the truth, I absolutely hate Sundays. I hate them, I hate them, I hate them. Coz they have this strange feel to them which makes me feel extremely lazy and lethargic. Uninspiring; they kill my creativity. Destroy me and put me to the ground… Now wait, do not judge! I’m not a workaholic and I certainly do enjoy holidays. But holidays are way more fun if you know that everybody else is working and you are the only one chilling out. I know you what are thinking. You think I’m a sadist. But trust me everyone is, in one way or the other. Now you think I’m cynical. Don’t you have a PhD in passing judgments?

So anyways I decided to come up with a few things that one could to do in order to make Sundays better. I’m not a tyrant so I won’t force you to follow my advice, but trust me you’ll be miserable if you don’t. I hope so, so that you realize how right I was… STOP JUDGING ME!!!

Follow these steps

1. Wake up as early as possible. Preferably around 6:00Am.

2. Try to find a part time job, on which you only have to work on Sundays.

3. Don’t go for a very heavy breakfast. I’d say don’t have breakfast at all. Stay hungry. Those poor people of Africa can do that. Why can’t you? It’s not that difficult I tell you.

4. If you had breakfast, then skip lunch.

5. If you don’t feel like skipping lunch, then again think about the poor people of Africa we talked about in step 3. Imagine a poor hungry African kid, and you’ll probably feel a lot better.

6. Spend your Sunday evening like any other weekday and your day is made. *cheers*

7. End your Sunday like any other normal day of the week.

Oh and if imagining somebody worse off (like the poor hungry African kid in step 5), makes you feel better then probably you actually are a sadist. But don’t worry; there is nothing wrong with it. Being sadist doesn’t necessarily make you a bad person. Don’t judge yourself. =)

Enjoy your Sundays!!!

The Gene of Perfection

Ladies and Gentlemen! After years of hard work and greed, we are finally successful. This is the most historic moment in the history of time itself. We have created the “gene of perfection”.

*Applause and cheerful cries from the audience”

Thank you mindless robots. Now let us continue with the presentation.

So this marvelous gene will help us in creating perfect humans. Let me share some of the features of this perfect human being.

Firstly we had to do away with emotions. *a brief moment of applause by the audience*

Emotions complicate things. A man’s emotions are often the cause of great agony and pain not only for himself but for those around him. But our perfect human won’t face any agony, nor will he cause agony for those around him. Don’t worry it doesn’t mean he won’t “show” emotions for others. He definitely will show them. But he won’t be broken by anything. We have tailor made the brain to make him act in a way, which would give comfort to others but he himself will never need any comfort.

We also had to do away with feelings. *A louder applause from the crowd*

Feelings would have made him weak. But our perfect human can’t be weak. He will pretend that he feels but he actually won’t feel anything. We have made sure that he adapts his behavior perfectly to the situation. If he has to pretend that he loves someone, he will do that I assure you. We have replaced the part of the brain that generates emotions and feelings with another part, which generates pretention and hypocrisy. Our perfect human will be a perfect handler of all his relationships. Nobody will ever know that he doesn’t care about anything or anyone in the world. Nobody will ever know that he doesn’t have… feelings!

*A man from the crowd gets up, whose face looks different from all the other alike faces in the presentation hall, he screams: You monsters, the things you have done away with, are the things that make us human, you have only created a machine with organs and flesh. IMPERFECTIONS MAKE US HUMAN…”

Silence you nonconformist rebel. For years you whined about your short comings, your broken homes and your pain. Now when you finally have everything that you wanted, you don’t like it. GUARDS!!! Take this fool away…

And the presentation continues under the loudest applause by any audience ever...

That One Person – Part I

Throughout the course of our lives, we meet countless people. Most we forget. Some we remember. But I believe there must be this one person in your life that you have met and you will never forget.

So one fine day that person comes in your life. You can feel it. It’s a very special moment. Perhaps its the most special moment of your life. The chemistry develops and an amazing new chapter opens up in your life. You are flowing with the flow. You are free falling. It is the most exciting time of your life. You get so lost in it that you tend to forget the bitter realities of life, your worries, your problems and your depression. You even tend to forget that you can’t get it all; A simple truth of this life that you ought to familiarize yourself with and remind yourself of, frequently. But you don’t want to think about it. Ignorant Fool!!!

You cherish and enshrine each and every memory with that person. You try to save each and every moment. Pictures, emails, messages, cards, gifts, things, songs, everything you save and protect like crazy. You have become crazy. You are mad. You are obsessed. That obsession only grows with time. You don’t know that you have fallen so deep that you’ll never be able to come to the surface. Perhaps you’ll come to the surface but you won’t be able to walk. You’ll pretend you are walking but actually you are not. You are dragging and lingering.

Time goes on and one day that person is not there. Gone forever. You can’t believe it. You keep staring your phone. You check your email after every 10 minutes. You want communication. You want it badly. You want it all back. You wait and wait and wait… You have regrets, pain, hopelessness; you want to go back in time. Fix things. But time is a one way ride, only goes forward. The memories that you once cherished, haunt you now. You see them running in your mind like a Polycolor film. You know life will never be the same again. That one person is irreplaceable. You go even crazier. Nothing comforts you. You are dying from inside. The sky seems scarlet red and even the brightest of days seem dark to you. Because that one person is not there.

With regrets and sadness you live your life. Sad and crazy you will remain… Forever

To be continued…