The Drill

Its been a while since I last came up with something meaningful. It seems my head has stopped working. They call it the "military syndrome". Once you join the service, your mind starts slowly deteriorating until finally it no longer exists. I guess its not that bad coz I can do without it. Can't I? Besides I believe human mind is overrated. Most people die without using their brain even once and they lead very successful lives.

By the way, do you know why most Generals take to golfing during the last years of their coloured service? Yes its the military syndrome. Golf is a very simple game; It requires no use of brain and relies solely on the most basic instinct a man has. You ready your club, aim for a hole and put it in. Bang! You've scored!

However playing too much golf is a curse.  Thinking too much when its not needed is also a curse. That is where my pen-name comes from. I am the "Accursed Thinker". But soon all of this is going to change. I'm going to be a "Mindless Thinker". Wait! ain't that a contradiction? It sure is but who the fuck cares! Its a normal thing in a world so full of paradoxes and double standards. Ain't it?

So anyways you know the drill. I'm coming to back to blogging (hopefully). And you'll be getting some new material to read. Soon!

So keep on reading. 

See Ya.

The Deep Sea Diver

Who am I? What is this world?

The deep sea diver surely knows the answers to these otherwise obvious questions. He stands gazing at the wild ocean before him. Oh how wild you are little ocean. How wild! How Innocent and cruel you are, you mighty! You devouring ocean!

SPLASH!!! The dive! And there is no limit to how far below the surface; our deep sea diver will descend. He goes into the very depth of the dark seas.  He is surrounded by jelly fishes and colorful creatures of various shapes and forms. Glowing and forever changing, the ultimate manifestation of a chaotic and enchanting life force presents itself before him. And the colors? The amazing vibrant colors leave permanent traces on the texture of his existence. And he knows that the traces will remain there forever. So he swims on and the creatures begin to fade away. He looks back at them and waves them goodbye. The depth increases. But his memories are forever vivid and shining. And so they will remain.

Oh so deep… so deep that there is no life around him. There is no light. There is nothing but him and clear pure water, blessed with absolute darkness all around. Absolute stillness. There is no sense of direction. There is no north. And there is no you!

The deep sea diver still dives deeper and deeper. He knows he is heading towards something strange and there will is no return. Because there are things in life which if done, can never be undone. Yet the hardest part always, is to let go. But his thoughts won’t stand in his way. His subconscious must lay bare in front of the world. His feelings must be conquered!!!

Conquer he will!

Go on you deep sea diver… Go on and on and on… never stop…

You splendid & magnificent lonely creature…

Wander like a soul wandering in nothingness, in an open space without boundaries…

Wander like no wanderer has ever wandered before…

And wander forever…

The Excalibur

On his knees the warrior sat. His sword thrust halfway into the ground while he held onto it with both his hands and all his might.  Shadowed by clouds of ash and surrounded by nothingness, the warrior had knelt here since forever but had never opened his eyes nor did he ever speak. He had remained unchanged, unmoved and would seemingly remain so, forever!

The sky, which had been witnessing this constant sight for eternity, could not bear it anymore. So it broke its silence and spoke…

Rise O kneeling warrior, you sufferer, you wanderer, open your eyes, you have suffered for all eternity. Open your eyes and rise. Rise child and hear me out for I have spoken and I shall speak to you with great wisdom… Every man whether rich or poor, master or servant, brave or coward, is a slave.

a slave to his heart. 

a slave to his thoughts.

Rise you warrior! You thirsty warrior. You slitter of  throats. You drinker of wine, blood and ether. You drank, you drank, YOU DRANK! No matter how much you drank, nothing quenched your thirst. Nothing ever will! But a sip of water brought to your lips by the beloved’s beautiful hands.

A wise man once said “Man is the cruelest animal to himself”.¹ I say the same to you O sufferer. You are the cruelest animal to yourself and to others around you. Don’t be so cruel that you banish yourself from your own heart. Revisit your heart, where the beloved dwells.² The beloved shall dwell there forever.

And hear me for I tell you…

A thousand knives are affixed in your back. You are marked by a million scars and an equal number of arrows in your chest. You fought with your enemies, you fought with yourself, and since then you have also tried to heal yourself. But no ether will ever heal you. No book will ever give you peace. You lost soul; only a tender touch by the beloved can heal you. So seek that tender touch you wanderer…

You have knelt here forever warrior. You are at war with time itself. You kneel with your eyes closed but still you never sleep. You have never slept in a million years. And you will never sleep but in your beloved’s soft and comfortable arms. That is the only place where a sufferer can “find” sleep. So find your sleep my child. Find it and you can rest your head and forget.

And I speak to you sufferer. Every man whether rich or poor, master or servant, brave or coward, needs a beloved.

Rise my child from this… Oblivion, Oblivion, Oblivion, OBLIHVIONH!!! But then the sky realized what a fool it had been, to have been screaming like that. Of course only one thing could have compelled the warrior to rise and that was his beloved’s sweet fragenance. And the sky smiled at its own foolishness for missing out on this fact and realized that sometimes the curtain of wisdom is so heavy that it overshadows the simplest of things. Hence one’s actions can easily contradict one’s words.

So having spoken to its heart’s fill, the sky fell silent and never spoke again for now it had nothing more to say.

The kneeling warrior however just knelt there, unmoved and unchanged like a stone statue.

For his beloved had died an eternity ago….

Notes
1.  The wise man is Friedrich Nietzsche
2. Inspired by something similar in the writings of Søren Kierkegaard

To You, Rain

Imagine a tiny droplet of rain. Imagine the journey of this tiny droplet, which I believe is just wonderful as it starts from up there and ends right here, on the ground.  Just some food for thought: what do all these tiny droplets feel like while they are on it?

Well rainfalls in Lahore are just awesome. Yes they truly are. Especially the part of the city where I live is quite green. So it adds to the awesomeness. Anyways, the story goes like this;

Its 8:52 PM and an hour ago, I was sitting home and had absolutely nothing to do. So I decided to go for a walk. There is a small market in the neighborhood and it normally takes me around 15-20 minutes to get there on foot. So that is where I was heading. As soon as I got there, guess what, it started drizzling. And it didn’t take the drizzle brizzle much time to turn into some heavy monstrous rainfall. This was followed by an obvious attack of panic, confusion and cluelessness as to what should I do next…

…. 10 minutes later, I still stood where I had stood earlier, thinking what to do next. I could have called home or taken a lift from somebody. But I just didn’t. And then I thought, it had been a while that I did something crazy all on my own. So I took the radical decision of walking home in that heavy rainfall. And I did it. I stepped in the storm and starting walking home.

As I walked home, for the first time in my life and I’m not exaggerating it, FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE, I felt free. I did not care that I was getting all soaked up or that my cell phone would probably fry its brain because of all the water or what would my mom say when I get home and ruin her new rug with my wet feet. It was just absolute freedom. I saw people running for shelter and cars passing me by in a hurry. But I was a free man. And a free man is never in a hurry to do anything; he walks at his own pace.  This is what we all need. Freedom! Freedom from our own selves!

And I also realized that you don’t need to be in love or be with someone special to enjoy a wonderful moment. The entire world can be your company if you want it to be.

So as you read this, I don’t know who you are, where do you live, what clothes are you wearing, what physical and mental deformities you got, what heinous crimes you have committed against humanity, what shortcomings you have, what religion you follow and whether or not you like me at all… I don’t care. I just want you to know that YOU! are the most amazing human being in the world. Whoever you are, you are just beautiful! in your own unique way. Because out of the 6 billion people on the planet, you are just one and 99 is never a 100. So that’s it.

Oh and btw want to know what those tiny droplets feel like while they are making that journey I was talking about? Well they feel happy and joyful because they know that they might end up making a confused and cold person, happy about life! ;-)

Danny Vuojosk Part I – The Problematic Scenarius

Warning: Explicit language, reader's discretion is advised.

On a fine Sunday afternoon, the Great Makessay was meditating. The vibes of communist energy were flowing through his mind, body and soul. The Great Makeesay was on his way to redeeming his destiny of deliverance of mankind. He was sitting at a coffee table in the Mall of Lahore, which is a really good place to meditate as it is dwelled upon by the pure of heart and spirit; the most beautiful of this beautiful Russian city of Lahore.  Provoski’s deep nirvana was broken by a sudden voice. An intrusion! Behold! An angel had appeared before him…

Greetings! Oh Great Makeesay! The leader of communism! The rising red star! The successor of Lenin! The master of virtue! The messiah!

Bhenchod! can’t you see I’m meditating? You accursed and ugly angel. For indeed you are very ugly. Your wings are ash black, your nose is deformed, your eyes are squinted, you have a bad breath, you walk without grace  and you walk as if you are limping. I swear on Lenin, you are the ugliest angel I have ever seen. What do you want from the Great Makeesay?

Forgive me O master of communism, I did not mean to disturb you but its my duty to warn you of the imminent danger. Your case is lost. The revolution CANNOT happen. You should go back to the communist heaven, to where you came from! Russia is no longer worthy!

SILENCE! Madarchod! How dare you feed me with your pessimism you monstrous angel?

O Great Makeesay, take a look around yourself, you are surrounded by animals and reptiles. These are not people. These are Vuojosk’s children… They are dogs and bitches and reptiles

And Makeesay Provoski lifted his eyes to observe his surroundings and was horrified at what he saw for it was truly a very graphic and gross sight:

He was surrounded by hundreds of animals. Dogs, Bitches, Reptiles… all of them mounted on each other as they licked, bit, defiled and molested each other, without any discrimination of species. A thousand clitorises ripped open. A thousand penises made their way into what seemed like caves of reptilian birth.  This sexual frenzy went all over the place, in the shops, on escalators, even outside the mall, in big cars, in small cars, on motorbikes, amongst dogs, bitches and reptiles of all classes, rich, poor, everyone… in entire Russia.

MADNESS! MADNESS! MADNESS!!!

O Great Makeesay! You cannot deliver these people. Voujosk is their Messiah! They only want him and not you. They want… The Danny Voujosk!

And Makeesay Provoski just stood silent before the ugly angel. For he did not know who this man was! Who and what! Danny Vuojosk?

To be continued…

Mystery (The First Answer)

Once upon a time, I was a lost traveler. I had set out on a path which I didn’t know or think, could lead me anywhere. It was indeed an endless search, with seemingly no objective at all.

Tired and exhausted, I continued for years. I searched the very souls of the people I met in the course of my journey, I desperately wanted answers; the purpose of my existence. I searched caverns, islands, castles and all the places within or beyond my reach. I found nothing! No hope at all. And just when I was about to give up, I saw an ancient monastery far away, at the horizon. Through the fog that surrounded me, it only appeared as some massive dark structure. But as I continued towards it, gradually the darkness gave way to light.

I entered this fine and magnificent building and was admitted as a monk.

As expected, I bombarded the Grandmaster with my questions who gave me my first lesson; a lesson of patience and perseverance. “Learn my child”, he said “the answers lay within your own soul; you just never looked deep enough”. And then he told me about the mystery of the universe and the power it holds. The power that is at our disposal and it is our right to master it, provided we prove ourselves.

The universe consists of Four Elements; Earth, Fire, Water and Wind.

It is the mastery of these four elements that can give us immense power and ultimately the mastery of the universe. But the universe is only willing to give us control over all or one of these elements, if it deems us worthy. If an unworthy soul was to get hold of the elements, it would only bring chaos and confusion to this world. Therefore we have to wait until we are ready. The universe picks its sages with great care and they have to pass many tests before they are given a chance.

So it dawned on me that God tests us not because He wants to know how much substance we hold inside, as He is all-knowing and all-wise and already knows everything. He tests us so that one day we may be ready to yield the great power and use it to fulfill our destinies. He created this universe, so that we learn to master to it!

The power is indeed the power of light. It can only contribute constructively to “Life”. Darkness cannot co-exist with light and therefore the power is completely pure and divine, void of any corruption or dilution.

Then I asked myself, “Have I reached the end of the road by knowing all this?” No I haven’t! Because knowledge alone means nothing unless and until it is used to achieve what is meant to be achieved. Therefore my journey is not finished yet. Rather it has only just begun…

That One Person – Part II (The Zahir)

According to the writer Jorge Luis Borges, the idea of the Zahir comes from Islamic tradition and is thought to have arisen at some point in the eighteenth century. Zahir, in Arabic, means visible, present, incapable of going unnoticed. It is someone or something which, once we have come into contact with them or it, gradually occupies our every thought, until we can think of nothing else. This can be considered either a state of holiness or of madness. (FAUBOURG SAINT-PÈRES Encyclopedia of the Fantastic (1953) Excerpt from The Zahir by Paulo Coelho)



I first came across this term “Zahir” when I read a book of the same name by Paulo Coelho. I am using it here in this article because The Zahir defines the ultimate obsession for me. The state of absolute and final madness, from which there is no return.

Yes she was The Zahir for me. She still is. And perhaps she’ll always be. Maybe that’s not true. Maybe I am just too weak to think of anything else. Maybe I’ve surrendered my mind, body and soul to her memories. Maybe it’s a phase. Maybe time is a perfect healer. Maybe all “Maybes” are just lies that we feed to our sad little souls to keep ourselves from falling apart.

I vividly remember the moment I first saw her. The color of clothes she was wearing. That look on her face. It runs like a film in my mind. As a matter of fact all her memories do. And If you ask for my honest opinion on the whole film-like memory process, it is quite painful. Painful enough to bring me to a state, which even by my standards, far exceeds madness.

I am sad and I’m hurt. I can safely say that my soul is battered and bruised. My heart is broken into pieces. I sometimes cry when I’m alone. Sometimes I have to hold back my tears when I’m around people. Sometimes I have to kill myself to stay alive. Because I believe pretention is worse than suicide. In pretending to be happy, we are punishing ourselves more, as we are hiding our true emotions and feelings, just for the sake of others or perhaps for our own good. Yes I have died. Or at least something inside me is dead. And I know it will never come back. The aura of those times, is gone forever…

Do I hate her? No I don’t. I have no reason to. You never hate “that one person”. You always love her. That is the mysterious power of love. You keep loving the person who hurts you. You try and condole yourself and give justifications to your mind for that one person’s sake. Justifying her actions to be right. And her actions were right, at least in the end they were.

So I will write no further parts to this article in the future. Because I know that there is no end to it. Also I believe that the beauty of writing (good writing) is to leave some room for the reader’s imagination, to deliberately leave certain things open to interpretation.

But the problem is that The Zahir can’t be forgotten. It stays with you. I believe it stays for all eternity and I truly hope for that. Because what you can’t get in this world, you hope to achieve in the next. So Maybe “That One Person” will be there in everything I write or do… Maybe… at least so I choose to believe!